There has been a lot of talking about grief lately. A couple of weeks ago, a friend if mine lost her mother which got me to thinking about the kind of painful experience that death can cause.A few days ago, Maria Shriver hosted the annual Women's Conference in Long Beach and dedicated the topic to the "extraordinary evocation of grief". This was truly inspiring because I've noticed that a lot of people have a hard time talking about grief, but mostly the family members or friends of the ones grieving. For a group of successful, strong women to come together and openly talk about how much they are affected is pretty bold. And the irony is that there is nothing sad about it.
The loss of a loved one, or loss in general, is a very emotionally charged time and therefore a perfect place to practice awareness and coming back into the fruitfullness of every moment. I'd like to say that. But to actually practice that is much tougher. It's also something that no one can hold your hand through. It's a different experience for everyone.
People can sometimes get very afraid when it comes to dealing with things completely on their own. Emotions are no exception. Fortunately or unfortunately, our emotions are entirely our own concern. People can affect you, but it's usually more about the power to accept or deny instinctual reactions to them. That is the biggest difference between someone who is in control and someone who loses it easily. Both can be presented to the exact same situation. Both are feeling the exact same emotions. However, one makes a conscious choice to act out from a different perspective. A compassionate perspective. A grateful perspective. While the other is an extension of an unhealthy ego stemming from a place where there's a clear idea of the way that the world should work and that this situation is a problem because it doesn't agree with that idea.
Loss is similar. It's a shift in consciousness that a person was not expecting. No one expects to lose and even if they say they do, they don't. I don't buy pessimism as an alternate reality to truth. Real truth is not pessimistic or optimistic, that's only a person's version of it. In effect, loss is not really loss but a catalyst for change. I honestly believe that the more it affects your life, the more in need you are of change.
Changing is inevitable. It can't be escaped if you we're blindfolded with ear muffs on. Being open to change has nothing to do with what you think is going to happen or even what you think is happening, but more about how you accept that change. How well you go with it, no matter if you understand it in the moment or not. Understanding in overrated. It's trying to clarify what our ego has produced and, in that, limited by our own knowledge and confidence. It's like asking yourself the same question expecting a more exciting answer because you think it should be different. Life's not that complicated. It's only right now that can ever be dealt with at a time. Which is something that can be realized through loss.
While I don't look forward to it, I don't dread it either. It's as natural an occurence as anything else and so is the grieving process. But it just has to be accepted as a part of life and there's nothing anyone can do about it. So, it's best to embrace it. And embrace everyone that is still with you. The people that are still there to be loved. Ready and willing. And that's always a super awesome thing.
